it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
