fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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