the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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