If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
