You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
