What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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