Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
