I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
