so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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