I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
