to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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