I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
