I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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