That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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