saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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