he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
