I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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