I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
