Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
