Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
