Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
