Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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