I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
did you just send me my own nude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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