He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
