Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
