My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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