i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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