It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
