i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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