So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
