It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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