he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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