I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
