Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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