I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
