he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
