i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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