Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
tell me about the eggs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
