five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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