she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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