I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
