i permit you to call me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
