take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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