I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
