after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
