New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
