When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
