Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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