Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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