Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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