I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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