Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
