Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
