Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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